Genre(s):
Manners / Horror / Science Fiction / Thriller
Fox
|| PG13 - 90 minutes || August 13, 2004
Reviewer:
|| Posted On: 2004-08-13
.:: F I L M ::.
.::MOVIE INFORMATION::.
Director:
Paul W.S. Anderson
Writer(s):
Dan O'Bannon & Ronald Shusett ("Alien" characters), Jim Thomas & John Thomas ("Predator" characters); Paul W.S. Anderson (story/screenplay)
Cast:
Sanaa Lathan, Raoul Bova, Lance Henriksen, Ewen Bremner, Colin Salmon, Tommy Flanagan, Joseph Rye
In this movie, there's a love story between a Predator and a human(that's not a spoiler! I didn't say which human or which predator lol). Yes, that's the kind of idiocy we're dealing with in Paul W.S. Anderson's latest sloppy clunkfest,
Alien vs. Predator
.
The concept of the film has been a fanboy fantasy since the early 90's when Dark Horse Comics released the Alien vs. Predator comic books. Oh sure, people were fans of both franchsies before the books but it wasn't until then that people became really interested in the two franchises coming together for one film. Several years later, those fans' dream has come true? Or has it?
Alien Vs. Predator
's "plot" centers around the discovery of an ancient pyramid discovered underground in Antarctica. The Weyland corporation, headed by Charles Bishop Weyland (Lance Henrickson, reprising his role of bishop from
Aliens
, this time as the human his former android character was based on) wants to know what's in it. They build a team of explorers, soldiers, and scientists to go check it out. Sanaa Lathan is the lead explorer.
As luck would have it, a handful of Predators arrive from space intent on defending the pyramid cause it's VERY important to them (more than that is spoiling it) but little do the Predators or humans know, another type of Alien (a queen of aliens you might say), is already in the pyramid, making babies. Evil babies. DEADLY BABIES! Carnage ensues.
Now first of all, i'll tell you that i've never seen either of the 2 Predator films and although i've seen all the Alien ones(liking the first 2 and hating the last 2), I've never been a big fan. I went into this film knowing that the buzz was pretty bad but wanting to give it a chance anyway. Hoping the buzz was somehow wrong. Was it wrong?
Well…yes and no. There was some good to the film. For example, in the first 40 minutes or so, every shot that was used to set up the Aliens and Predators was great. The shots of the Predators landing and putting on their weapons, shots of the Queen giving birth, all good tension building scenes that made many members of the audience i was in whisper,"sweet" and "awesome".
But then that feeling all went to hell once the killing started. A lot has been made about how this one is rated PG-13 as opposed to R. I didn't think it would matter too much but it really REALLY does. Part of the thrill of the original
Alien
and
Predator
films was the gory, twisted satisfaction of seeing the monsters rip the people apart. That is all gone. In it's place are quick cuts and edits of people about to be killed and then their death happens offscrean. It leaves the viewer feeling cheated and I was kinda pissy about it.
Then there's the blandness of the human characters. The first half of the film wasn't bad but I didn't care a lick about ANY of these human characters in the slightest. They were sooooo bland. The original Alien films had characters I, at least, slightly cared about but all of the ones present here are throwaways. And as usual, when a horror (which this can barely qualify as. More like a horror-lite for the kiddies) movie is this silly, it's very easy to pick off who dies first and sure enough, I got it right everytime.
What's that? You don't care about any of that? You just want to know how the fights were? Well… They weren't "horrible" perse but there was nothing particularly exciting about them. I learned a few things from them though: 1) The Predators are big pansies. 2) I can't believe I'm saying this, but the Predators were so fakey and "man in suit"-ish that they might've been better off with more CGI. 3) Whenver the film starts running out of Aliens for the humans and predators to kill, just kill off a human character and within ohhh, 5 minutes, they'll be a new Alien (which is a gigantic smack in the face to the 2nd Alien movie! Didn't it take SEVERAL hours there?!) and 4.) (and most importantly). One of the Predators just wants to be loved.
Yeah, you read that right. As I said earlier, there's a love story btw one of the Predators and a human and it's the silliest thing i've seen in a LONG time! Not only is it stupid, but when said Predator takes off his mask, he shows us the face of a f**king Ninja Turtle. Now, I may not have seen either of the Predator films, but I KNOW the character isn't supposed to look like THAT. He looks like a happy, semi mentally retarded, Ninja Turtles. With Dreadlocks. After He took that mask off and started making goo goo faces at the human, I couldn't take him even remotely seriously.
Oh and one more thing. Alien Queen now equals the T-Rex or Spinosaurus from the
Jurassic Park
films. That's all I'll say. Cool looking but lame in concept.
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Sigh, I grow tired of rambling about this "film". Was it horrible? No, it's fairly watchable and at times mildly entertaining but there's just so much wasted potential here. This could've and SHOULD'VE been a much better film had they even tried to write a decent script. As is, it's just a watchable time killer.